I Am Not What You Think I Am, You Are What You Think I Am | ZBW

For those who have been cheated on or struggle with their self-worth <3

In a world that often measures our worth by external validation - from the praise of others to the likes on social media, or societal standards - It's easy to get caught up in thinking that how we’re valued depends on how others see us. But here’s the truth: your worth is not defined by anyone’s opinions or actions. It's not something you have to earn or prove. It never has been, and it never will be.

Your Worth Is Inherent.

We all have moments of doubt, especially when life feels uncertain or when we’re struggling. When you’re feeling low, disconnected, or uncertain about your path, it’s easy to forget that you’re worthy of love and respect, no matter what and regardless of your circumstances. We live in a culture that often tells us that worth is earned—through achievements, appearance, social status, or by fitting into a mold of what’s considered “enough.” But that is a lie. Your worth is not a prize to be won. It’s not a scoreboard where you can tally up your wins and losses.

You are worthy simply because you exist. You were born with that worth, and it has never left you. No matter how you feel, how broken you think you are, or how much you wish for things to be different—your worth is not in question.

Even at Your Lowest, You Are Still Worthy.

There will be times when you feel as though you’ve reached your lowest point, when life feels overwhelming, when you wonder if anyone could possibly love you in those moments of weakness. Maybe you’ve even thought, If they knew who I really was… If they saw me when I was at my worst, they wouldn’t love me anymore. But that’s not true.

Love doesn’t require perfection. It doesn’t wait for you to be “better” or “stronger” or “fixed” before it’s offered. You are worthy of love at every stage of your journey, even when you’re struggling to love yourself. In fact, that’s often when you need love the most.

You are still deserving of kindness, of affection, of compassion, even when you don’t feel like you can give those things to yourself. Your worth isn’t conditional on how you’re feeling or what you’ve accomplished. It’s simply who you are.

Don’t Let Others Define Your Value.

If you’ve ever found yourself questioning your worth based on someone else’s words or actions, it’s time to break free from that cycle. When others make you feel small, when their silence or criticism makes you doubt yourself, remember: their perception of you is just that—their perception. It’s not the truth of who you are.

Their opinions are not your reality. People project their own insecurities, their own fears, their own limitations onto others. When they say you’re “too much,” maybe the problem isn’t you—it’s that they aren’t enough to handle all that you are.

Never let anyone’s judgment—whether spoken or silent—dictate your worth. No one has that power over you unless you give it to them.

Your Worth Isn’t Something You Earn.

Your worth is not something that can be measured or achieved. It’s not a title you get when you hit certain goals, or a badge you earn from ticking off societal boxes. It’s not in the number on a scale, the brand of your clothes, the car you drive, or the number of followers you have.

Your worth is simply your presence, your humanity. It’s the fact that you exist in this world, with your unique experiences, perspectives, and gifts. And no matter where you are in life—whether you’re standing at the top of the world or struggling to get out of bed in the morning—your worth remains unchanged.

You Are More Than Enough.

There is power in developing a strong, unshakable sense of self-worth. When you cultivate this internal belief that you are enough, it becomes harder for the judgments or criticisms of others to penetrate your sense of who you are. You are not defined by their words, actions, or silence. Your worth is non-negotiable, and once you understand that, you can stand firm in the face of anything.

There’s a peace that comes with knowing that your value doesn’t depend on anyone’s approval, on anyone’s affection, or on anyone’s recognition. Your value is constant because it comes from within, from the simple truth of your existence.

You don’t have to earn love. You don’t have to prove your worth. You are enough right now, just as you are.

So, the next time you find yourself questioning your value, remember this: You are worthy. You are lovable. You are enough. Not because of what you’ve done or what you’ll do, but simply because you are you. And that, my friend, is more than enough.

Your self-worth isn’t found inside the minds of other people. You’re still worthy of being loved even when you’re at your lowest. You’re still worthy of being loved even when you don’t want to go on anymore. You’re still worthy of being loved even when you don’t love yourself. You are human and therefore always worthy of being loved. Something I'm working on is developing a strong enough opinion of myself so that other people's words or actions don’t leave me questioning my worth. Your worth is you, your worth is your presence. Your worth isn’t something you earn. Your worth isn’t something you buy. Your worth isn’t something you gain through status or popularity or stomach crunches or a chic kitchen. Your worth is your existence. You were born with worth, as all babies are, and that worth doesn’t simply disappear because you have grown a little older. Don’t give people so much power over you that their silence leaves you questioning your worth. If they say you are too much, maybe they aren’t enough.

Infidelity Doesn't Define You.

Infidelity is one of the most gut-wrenching experiences a person can endure in a relationship. It cuts to the core of self-esteem, trust, and personal identity. In the aftermath of such a betrayal, many people are left questioning their worth, wondering if they were not good enough, or blaming themselves for the actions of their partner. When someone we love and trust crosses the boundary of commitment, it feels like the ground beneath us has shifted. Emotions are intense, from feelings of anger to deep sadness, self-doubt, and confusion. The hurt can make us question everything about ourselves, our relationships, and our worth. But here’s a truth that’s essential to remember: getting cheated on is never about you. It doesn’t define who you are, nor does it dictate your value as a person. Being cheated on is not a reflection of your value or worth as a person.

Infidelity: A Reflection of the Cheaters Struggles, Not Your Worth.

Infidelity is a complex issue, often stemming from the cheater’s own issues, insecurities, or unresolved conflicts. Getting cheated on has nothing to do with you. The decision to cheat is ultimately a reflection of the individual who chooses to betray trust, not the one being betrayed. While the act of cheating may seem like a personal rejection, it rarely has anything to do with your shortcomings. It could be a result of insecurity, selfishness, emotional immaturity, or a failure to communicate effectively. These are internal battles that the person involved needs to address, and they have nothing to do with your worth or character. Just because someone else couldn’t honor the bond you shared doesn’t mean that bond or your trustworthiness as a partner was flawed. Cheating does not happen because the betrayed partner is "not enough." No one is perfect, but that doesn't mean that cheating is an appropriate or justified response to dissatisfaction or unhappiness. The responsibility lies entirely with the person who chooses to betray their partner, not the one who is left in the aftermath. By blaming yourself, you are unfairly internalizing the consequences of another person's choices.

You Are Not "Too Much"

One of the most common responses to being cheated on is to internalize the blame. We often tell ourselves that there was something we did wrong—something about us that wasn’t good enough. “I wasn’t attractive enough,” “I wasn’t loving enough,” or “I didn’t give them what they needed.” These thoughts can cloud our minds and hearts, leading to self-doubt. But these narratives are nothing but the product of the emotional damage caused by the betrayal. This kind of thinking is dangerous because it ties your self-worth to someone else’s behavior, an external factor that you cannot control. The truth is, your value is inherent. You are worthy of love, respect, and honesty, regardless of someone else’s actions.

Infidelity is an unfortunate expression of one person’s inability to handle their emotions or relationships with integrity. It’s not a comment on your beauty, intelligence, kindness, or anything that defines you as a person. The sooner you understand that your worth is not tied to the behavior of others, the easier it becomes to heal and regain a sense of self-respect. Your worth does not depend on someone else's actions or validation. A person’s loyalty to you, or lack thereof, cannot be the measure of who you are. You are not defined by the treatment you receive from others, especially when that treatment is hurtful or unkind. Self-worth comes from within. It’s about recognizing your own strengths, your capacity for love, and your ability to stand on your own. No one can diminish your value unless you allow them to. Being cheated on does not diminish your beauty, intelligence, or kindness—it simply highlights a painful moment where trust was broken, and that’s all it is. It’s an event, not a reflection of your character.

This escape is not about you; it’s about their avoidance of confrontation and their failure to address their own emotional or psychological needs in a healthy way.

In this sense, cheating is often a form of emotional immaturity. It’s easier for some people to betray their partner rather than engage in the difficult, but necessary, work of understanding and improving their relationship. However, this avoidance does not reflect any deficiency in you as a person; it merely highlights the cheater’s inability to confront their own discomfort.

The Path To Healing: Reclaiming Your Power.

After betrayal, the path to healing isn’t easy, but it’s possible. It starts with reclaiming your power and rediscovering your own sense of self-worth. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and allow yourself to grieve. It’s okay to feel pain, anger, and disappointment. But remember, healing doesn’t mean looking for validation outside of yourself or relying on the opinions of those who hurt you.

Healing means rebuilding your relationship with yourself—focusing on what makes you happy, rediscovering your passions, and honoring your boundaries. It means taking the time to recognize that you are deserving of love and respect, and that your value isn’t tied to the actions of others. You don’t need someone’s approval to be whole, because you were whole before them, and you will be whole after them. The love and validation you need or want to feel whole already exist within you.

Moving Forward: Embracing the Love You Deserve.

Another important perspective to consider is that cheating does not define what future relationships will be like for you. While it’s natural to feel distrustful or cautious after being cheated on, it’s essential to remember that not all people behave in such a hurtful way. Just because one person made a mistake does not mean that you will be mistreated again in the future. It is possible to learn from the experience, grow stronger, and choose a partner who values and respects you.

Relationships are a two-way street, and the failure of one person in a relationship should not cause you to question your ability to form healthy, fulfilling bonds. What matters most is how you respond to the situation—whether you allow yourself to heal, set boundaries, and learn what you deserve in love. It may seem impossible at first, but you can move past the pain of being cheated on, however, that means breaking the cycle. Stop settling for the bare minimum, for less than you know you deserve, because its out there. Over time, you will realize that this experience, while difficult, does not have to shape who you become. The only thing that can define your worth is how you choose to see yourself. You can take this experience and use it as an opportunity to grow stronger, to better understand your own needs, and to set healthier standards for future relationships.

Ultimately, you deserve a love that is kind, honest, and respectful—a love where both partners nurture and value each other. But even before that, you deserve to love yourself unconditionally. You are enough as you are. Infidelity is a painful event, but it is not a reflection of your value as a person. No matter what has happened, your worth remains constant, steadfast, and unshaken. You are not powerless in this situation. You can choose to heal, to grow, and to regain the confidence that was shaken by the betrayal. The healing journey is an opportunity to rediscover your own worth, to take back control of your life, and to understand that being cheated on is not a reflection of your value as a person. It’s not about you. It never was, and it never will be. You are not defined by someone else’s actions or failures. Your worth is inherent and timeless. Healing comes when you stop looking for validation outside of yourself and recognize that you are enough, just as you are. The love you deserve will come when you first learn to give that love to yourself. Your worth is intrinsic.

Remember, they didn't magically become a good person overnight or after the breakup. I genuinely understand wanting to see the good in people and save them, but love doesn't mean unconditional tolerance. You need to accept people exactly as they are. Realize how hard it is to change yourself, now imagine trying to change someone else. Don't try to change or fix people, take them as they are and if that's not enough, walk away. If you cant accept them for who they currently are, you never will be. You wont change them, they have to want that for themselves. If they wanted to they would and if they don't it's not because you're not worth it, its because they're not. Stop making excuses. The moment you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do. I know its easy to think "well what if they treat the next person better?" but here's the thing, what if you get into a relationship and get everything you want and deserve without having to ask. Because you wont unless you walk away and choose yourself. You lose nothing by walking away from someone who didn't truly value and appreciate you.

What would it look like for you to fully embrace your worth today?

Much love,

Wren 𓅫

Founder, Zen by Wren